More on "Motherhood is Easy" ...

In today's Sunday Life magazine, Mia Freedman gave a measured response to Jacinta Tynan's piece from a few weeks ago that caused such an uproar. I generally like Mia Freedman's column and was hoping she would provide a response, given that readers had made over 1000 comments about this issue on her website recently. Her response was carefully non-critical, although she did point out some flaws in the original argument: for instance, Jacinta's point that mothers never used to complain about their lot in life. This, according to Mia, was not necessarily a good thing:

There were no outlets for mothers to express negative feelings or admit their fears, frustrations and anxieties. So they drank. Or took Valium. Or became depressed. Or suffered in silence. Sometimes they harmed their children, harmed themselves or just walked out.

My great-great-grandmother walked out. Her daughter – my grandmother's mother – was apparently scarred by this abandonment. This would have then affected her own experiences of motherhood and my grandmother's upbringing. My grandmother herself had five children within seven years, lived (and worked) on a farm and did not drive. I often wonder about how she coped. Life would have been so difficult for her. And of course my grandfather would not have been particularly supportive or understanding. My grandmother is not a happy person, and I don't think she feels she has had a good life. Personally, I think it is good that today we recognise how hard motherhood can be, that mothers are able to talk about it and not feel ashamed of asking for help (although of course we still do feel ashamed).

Mia's main point is that all experiences of motherhood should be voiced and heard, the positives as well as the negatives. It seems that many feel Jacinta Tynan was being vilified for talking about her positive experience. I would like to think that is not actually the case. Personally, I was angered by the judgemental tone in her article, the implication that those who are finding it hard should just put up and shut up. And that is not helpful: we need to be able to ask for help sometimes.